Full Potential.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the past and am I any different? In the sense, has being ill made me a better person and will I be all that I say I will be? I hope I'm not all talk and what I have planned, I will have the courage to do so, I don't want any regrets and I want to know that I've lived every last second. It's just frustrating that I can't start now, as I'm eager to get living! I feel that the time I had before I took for granted and didn't use it to its full potential.

I'm gonna be honest, I have some regrets in a way, but I wouldn't be the person I am today with out a few bad choices or wrong turns. None of us would, its just best we learn from this and move on. I guess one of my biggest regrets was not going to college and uni, if only for the experience as I feel like I've missed out on a major stage in a young persons life, and all the partying and booze. But seriously I think the whole experience would of been awesome and a little life changing.

Who do I wanna be? Well just silly old me but I want to feel like everyday is lived and I want to do more for others, something in the past I didn't do very much. I mean for friends and family I would do anything, but charity, I didn't have much to do with but now I realise the effects of these events and organisations I want to give back so much more then I've been given. I want to be the one inspiring people the way others do me, when I read there struggles with what ever life has thrown them and how brilliantly they cope with it.

I've always been a dreamer and I pretty much live in a dream world most the time and always have. I remember spending most of my days at work down the freezer isles planning my music videos for my band and movie ideas. Singing my heart out to Paramore as customers and fellow employees watched and asking me why I was so happy and telling me it wasn't allowed because I was at work. I didn't say I sang well and no I don't have a band but its good to plan ahead. I'm still the same planning out adventures to have and whats the next destination, but I don't think I'm as naive as I was back then and reality checks in and I think of all the sensible things and all the adult worries start flooding in.

The main goal is to travel all over the place and just enjoy the whole experience, but it seems to be so far away and it all comes down to money.  Its easy to say I'm gonna go and travel the world and I'll be back in 6 months or whatever but nothing works out the way it should. But it is on my to do list and right at the top! So if in a years time if I'm not talking about running away to some hot country with lots of sights and incredible things to do can you give me a big kick up the arse and remind me! Not that I will ever forget because its all I think about, but just in case.

I'm not sure what I'm really trying to say but it was all in my head and had to escape some way. One day this will all make sense and these will be silly little moments we have and will all become just the past. Goodnight people. Maybe I'll make more sense tomorrow.